”I would just call myself a Christian. Yeah, I guess you could say I’m kind of associated with that moment [Pentecostal Holiness]. I don’t even really like saying that I’m apart of a movement, because I have a relationship with God, and because I have a relationship with Him I live what I feel He wants me to live based on what He tells me in His word, [the Bible].

...for me, being a Holiness Pentecostal women is that I am a Christian, and I believe in Pentecost. I am Pentecostal by experience in that I’ve experienced the Holy Ghost, and Holiness by choice in that I choose to live for God and obey Him because I love Him. So that’s how I put it, Pentecostal by experience, Holiness by choice - and not because it’s just a name to title of a movement, but because of what it means, and because of what the Bible says. 

 I do believe the word ‘Holiness’ has gotten a bad wrap because people from I guess you could say the movement of Holiness have kind of given it the reputation of just a strict code of ethics, rules, regulations, and that’s how you’re a Christian, but to me that’s absolutely not it. When you have a relationship with someone… I’m sure you don’t live to bother them or do things that get on their nerves, you probably do things that you know they like, and you get to know them better and you do things that make them happy. With me having a relationship with God, I know what He likes the closer you get to Him, and read in His word. And that’s how you get to know Him, aside from prayer.

To find answers, scripture interprets scripture. To find out what Holiness means you can look into other verses that define it a little more in detail. I do know in its purest form, Holiness is an attribute of God, it’s moral excellence and perfection.  Of course it’s going to play into how you act, and how you dress and how you conduct yourself, and I’m thinking that where people probably get their ideas of certain standards. And I guess that makes sense, but I don’t agree with making up your own [standards] and forcing them on other people.

Some people think that we’re trapped or that we’re in slavery or we’re in bondages to strict rules, and I think that’s highly misunderstood. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, but for myself, some people [ask me] ‘you have to live like that?!’ or ‘you have to do that?’ 

No, I choose to live like this and I’m perfectly happy this way and I think that’s misunderstood sometimes. Some people think it is such a drudgery to dress the way that I do, or to not cut my hair. To me, I don’t know why that’s a big deal. I don’t think it’s like slavery or hard. I have some friends who have worked with rescuing women from human trafficking. And to me, that is real mental slavery, it’s horrible. To me when I think of slavery or a hard life, or being mentally manipulated, that’s what I think of. But some people look at how I live and they think that’s how it is. And to me, I think, absolutely not... it’s not really a comparison. 

I love the way that I live, and I love God. It’s not that I’m doing it because it’s a strict rule and I’m afraid of offending people. I mean, I love God and I feel like the way that I live is pleasing to Him. I have peace. I don’t feel like I have to wear makeup to be content with how I look, and I don’t feel like I have to show off my body to have worth. I feel like I can respect myself, and I can respect others. Putting all things like that into context, it does depend on your point of view because some people think their self worth is in what they look like. To me, it’s not. And I feel perfectly content with how God made me and how I look and I don’t have to change it. To me, that’s peace, I don't feel like I have to change anything about myself. I feel happy, and it's because of my identity in Christ. 

Growing up in church and hearing about God my whole life - when you’re younger you just don’t think about it that much. I knew God like I know who the president is, I had heard of Him. But there did come a point in life when I was a little older at that age when real life sorta hits you. There were some things that happened in my church… some people that confused me. They seemed like good perfect church people, good Christians. On the surface, they looked like it. And that did confuse me because it was those same people that had said horrible things about my parents, and they had some serious issues… I was confused because I was like how can they be Christians on the surface, but [act] like that.

And having seen that... it got me to wonder about other people too. Like what if there are other people that I think are christians, but I don’t know how they really are?

I do remember a particular night when I was in my room crying about all those things I was confused about, and all I did was just say, ‘God I know that you’re real, but I’m so confused.’  I remember pouring all of that out to Him. I feel like that was the first time I really really prayed.”

And He became real to me, because it was after that whole long struggle when I poured everything out to God and I told Him how I felt. I just wanted Him to make himself real to me. 

I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like I felt peace come over me that I absolutely could not explain, and it became as real to me as you are sitting right there. I don’t even know how else to describe it. That was the first time I ever felt that kind of peace before.

I don’t have all the answers, it’s not like I became suddenly enlightened, it was just like God became very real to me, and I realized He was real. 

And just because other people are humans and maybe they aren’t true Christians, but it doesn’t mean that God isn’t real. And it doesn’t mean that there aren’t real Christians. So that’s when God really became real for me, and I’ve not been the same person since.

One thing that I’ve learned is that if there are counterfeits, there’s genuine. 

There’s a lot of things I don’t perfectly understand and can’t perfectly explain, but with all my heart I know that God is real and I know for myself that He wants a relationship with mankind. And for me, sharing that with others is important. Because if I know it’s real, I want others to know. And of course it’s through their own choice to believe, and you can’t force it on them, but for me that love for others [that I have] God has put in me. I can’t help it, it’s just there.”